What makes a man a man?

“The difference between a boy and a man is that a boy lives for himself, but a man lives for others.” Every man is called to give himself to God. How that looks is different for every individual. Most men are primarily called to the Sacrament of Matrimony, some are called to the priesthood in Holy Orders, and others become monks or stay single. But no matter what walk of life you are on; we are all called to give ourselves to God and live authentically masculine lives. Any man can tell you that this isn’t easy. Many men may not even be able to tell you what authentic masculinity is. I propose that there are three key aspects of authentic masculinity, united under one overarching theme. These essential aspects are to build, to protect, to serve. The common theme? Sacrificial love.

              Men like to build. We like projects. From household projects to his family, a man wants to build good things. Creation is an instinct for men. There’s a reason we like to do things like build a shed, a playset for the children, or a deck. Building something good brings a great deal of satisfaction and fulfillment. I find the most joy in building others up. Sharing a good word with someone else could do a world of good. Try asking the Lord for a word of encouragement to share with someone. Be it a family member, a friend, or a stranger. Encouraging others is a great way to spread joy but it also helps you. Even when you’re angry, sad, joyful, or whatever other emotion, sharing a kind word will help build you up too.

              Next is the desire to protect. There’s a reason men love last-stand scenes in movies. Within every man is a desire to give his life for something greater than him. I want to emphasize though, that this does NOT necessarily mean physically dying. It does, however, mean that we each need to die to ourselves. This is much easier said than done. It involves letting go of our desires and living according to God’s call. And as difficult as this is, it gets even harder when you remember that the evil one will attack you every step of the way. Fortunately, God is there to help us. He has given us prayer and the Sacraments, just to name a couple of things, to help us in this journey. Learn how to pray and start praying every day. Set aside time every day, whenever it works for you. Make that time exclusively for prayer and stick to it. Receive the Sacraments regularly, especially the Eucharist and Reconciliation. Daily Mass is fantastic if you are able, but not everyone can. Try to attend Confession at least monthly, maybe weekly if you feel inclined. Develop your relationship with God and He will empower you to live the life He has for you.

              Now we get to the desire to serve. Every man has something that he is willing to give his life for. I want to live for the Lord, but what that means, I don’t know yet. God will reveal that when the time is right. But what does living for the Lord mean? You could give many answers to this, like living righteously, helping others in serving the poor, or just one act of random kindness at a time. But what I’m talking about is vocation. I’m paraphrasing Christopher West when I say, “Your vocation is the path that God is calling you on by which, God willing, you get to heaven.” There are many, many ways you will be called to serve throughout your life, but your vocation holds the prime position among them. I heard from a CYM teacher the phrase, “Vocation before occupation.” Your vocation comes first because that’s how God is calling you to grow in holiness, and no matter what vocation He is calling you to, He is calling you to serve. Whether that’s as a priest or religious, as a married man, or as a single person.

              This brings us to the underlying theme… love. What gives us the strength to build, to protect, and to serve? Love. Now, we must ask the question, what is love? Yet another question that you could get multiple answers to. The classical definition of love is “to will the good of the other”.  Said another way, love is to put another’s needs and wants before your own and help them to keep on the path of righteousness. If you love someone, you will do what is right by them and for them. Even when it might hurt them, which brings us full circle. Hebrews 12:6 says, “For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” God corrects us because He loves us, so that we may learn what is right and end up with Him in heaven. You want the perfect male role model? Look to Jesus. Do what He did. Live as He did. “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34). You want to be a man? Then love like Jesus.